SIX STEPS... AND ONE SECRET... TO AVOID ARGUMENTS  



Grab this simple formula for effective communication – and see how easy it is to avoid
an argument at work, at home, or with your friends!  My clients have found that it is
a lot simpler than they expected!  

Listen actively to what the other person is saying.  Look at them when they are talking.  (A good NLP hint: look into their left eye while communicating for feeling-good connection.)

     1. Ask questions.

     2. Answer questions that are asked of you.

     3. Listen to statements- look at the other person attentively while they are talking.  Don't interrupt.

     4. Accept differing points of view without judgment. 

     5. Acknowledge the other person’s statement -them know you heard what they said and that you                                  respect their point of view. 

     6. Make your own statement(s).  

By following these six simple steps, conversations stay on track easier.   

Now for the ‘One Secret’ I promised you: 

Conversations quickly turn into arguments when you make one fatal error… when you respond to their statement as if it were a question, you will find yourself in an INSTANT argument!  

Here is an example:   Bill, makes the statement: “This team is the best they have ever been!”

Bob's response #1: (ACKNOWLEDGING Bill’s statement):  “You think this team is the best they have ever been!” (remembering to keep body language consistent with spoken language, of course)... it feels like no resistance, right?  You could even keep asking, "What else?" to let the other person 'dump their brain' of concerns until nothing is left.  Your job is to actively listen and 'get' what they are saying until there is nothing left to say.

Now let's look at a different response.  Response #2: Bob, ANSWERING Bill’s statement, says: “This team isn’t anywhere near as good as it was two years ago!”   You can feel the immediate emotional response, can't you!   When someone challenges a statement, most people feel that they must respond to justify their position.  

Here is another example:  

She: “I think this political party is going to win the race.” He (acknowledging her statement):  “This is the political party you think will win this year- I get it (or, I understand).” <no resistance> 
(or)
He says, (answering her statement):  “No, it won’t!” 

Can't you hear her responding with resistance?  It feels confrontational or uncomfortable, doesn't it.  Looks like communication may be a little rough for them.

What examples can YOU come up with?

Can you see the ease that comes with having a statement acknowledged?  Can you hear the instant argument that brews when a statement is answered?    Follow these Six Steps and One Secret and keep your communication on track!